At this point I don’t believe Ruth had mentioned to her husband that she was thinking about placing the baby. He knew who we were and had visited our home a year before with Ruth, but I know that he didn’t want us to adopt their baby.
Friday February 14, 2003 – Went and picked up a crib from my friend’s house, bought balloons and a Valentine’s gift for Ruth (the boys were so excited to take her the balloons and present).
Ruth didn’t have a car, but luckily her apartment was within walking distance of a grocery story, a bank, several restaurants and the hospital where I worked. A good friend of mine who works at the hospital took Ruth on a tour of the maternity ward to see if she wanted to deliver there since it was less than a block away from her apartment (she decided to still deliver in Salt Lake).
Tuesday February 18, 2003 – Ruth came to talk to me at work for two hours; she wants to go back to her husband.
This was such an emotional day for me. Ruth and I sat in the lounge of the hospital discussing her options and what she REALLY wanted to do. I think she knew what she wanted, but then she also wanted to make me happy. I kept telling her not to worry about what I wanted or what the boys wanted, just to do what was best for her and her baby. I had always hoped that she would be happy and I knew she just wanted to be married, have children, and move on with her own life, so I didn’t want to deter her from going back to her husband. She needed a person who was removed from the situation to give her advice, because I definitely wasn’t the right person to do that.
Wednesday February 19, 2003 – Ruth is not going to go back to her husband.
Ruth was due in less than 10 days and we still hadn’t made contact with the birth father and Ruth was still vacillating about whether or not she wanted to place the baby. I didn’t want to keep putting pressure on her, so a few days later I told my husband Mykel I could not take it anymore and I that I was removing myself from the whole situation.
I can’t remember if I called Ruth on the phone or if I e-mailed or talked to her mother, that part is a blur…. But I let them know that I was not going to contact Ruth anymore about placing the baby with us. She didn’t need that kind of pressure. She needed someone to help her make decisions for her future, but I was not that person.
I still don't know who took Ruth to the hospital or how the delivery went. Someone called me a few days after the baby was born to tell me that Ruth had delivered a beautiful baby girl. They probably told me how much she weighed and how long she was but I don’t remember those facts.
They said Ruth was fine and the baby was healthy and strong.... that was all I wanted to know.
Camille,
ReplyDeleteI came to your blog after reading your post on "Or So She Says". I started with your first post and have been reading post after post, completely absorbed in your story and the ups and downs adoption has brought to you and your family.
I have so many questions and so much praise for all of you. Thank you for writing all of this down. It is beautiful, insightful and helpful in so many ways.
Thank you.
Enjoying your story immensely. I have come over from Or So She Says, and am an adoptive Mom myself! I love reading your story and identify with you on SO many levels.
ReplyDeleteI can't wait to read the rest of the story...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteThank you Jill, Candise and Lisa for your comments. There are so many facets and details of this "story" that cannot be shared, which may leave many readers with questions. I do have permission from my children to share their story, at least from my children who are old enough to read it and understand it. My children read my blog and we discuss it accordingly. I have also asked permission from the other people I mention in my blog to share this story.
ReplyDeleteLisa, as you have not left any contact information for me to write to you, I have no way to express answers to your questions and concerns. I debate everyday about whether to continue writing this "story" or not. I am just beginning to realize the anger people have about relinquishment and adoption in general. Writing about my experiences hasn't been easy and I definitely have more to learn.
Thank you for your insight, I have learned a lot from your comment.
Camille, I love reading your story, I check it each day, I can't wait to find out how your two girls got to be part of your family. Please don't quit writing because of one rude comment! I think what you are doing is great, I am sure you are helping so many people who could be going through some of the same situations. Imagine if you had someone to talk to you when you were really strugglin with some of the issues. I think you are showing your children how completely lucky they are to have had 2 mothers who love them tremendously. I have not adopted my children, but I do share your grief in miscarriages and felt a connection in a shared trial, so I know others who are going through adoption etc can really benefit from your willingness to share your "story". Thank you! Sorry I am just a blog stalker....
ReplyDeleteTiffany
also she does not have to read it if she doesn't enjoy it! and I do know how to spell struggling.... I don't know how to comment on here other then anonymous...
ReplyDeletetommytiffandfamily.blogspot.com
Tiffany!
ReplyDeleteThanks for making me laugh - and to laugh off the negativity! I really would've appreciated someone to talk to who was in or had experienced an open adoption. I was completely in the dark with this whole experience! I have learned a lot but I know I have more to learn! Thanks for reading my story!
Camille, I think there are alot more positives coming from the sharing of your story. And let's not forget everyone has a story. And let's also remember that our world is a different place now days. The world of social media and the ways in which we all can connect and share our lives are here to stay. The children of this world will not know any different. Some people may feel this could be invasive, but I can assure you that by sharing stories like these it helps to erase the negative stigmas and it helps others feel like they are not alone. I feel that your blog is putting so much positive energy out there that it will only envelope your family in love and positivity. Secrets only make us feel shame. There is no shame in what this story is about. I keep coming back to one word that sums up your's and Mykel's side and Ruth and Valorie's side and the Kiddo's sides, and that is COURAGE! The amount of courage that it has taken from all parties to put a family together has been enormous. And I think that you "all" have done a WONDERFUL job. I think what you are doing is offering a lot of enCOURAGment to others as well. And I think that Ruth is an angel. What it must be for her to have had the courage to relinquish her little ones. And what courage to put the children before her wants and do her best to give them a better life. Well, I just felt like I needed to say something. I read each post and appreciate them. I love your family. And I think how lucky that these little kiddos got to come to such wonderful people...The Collette's and the Henrie's. Blessed. Truly blessed.
ReplyDeleteShonna Lee,
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for the reassurance and positive feedback... you are definitely right that "everyone has a story." I think Ruth is an angel as well, no matter the anti-adoption people try to say to me. Everyone's situation is different so people have to be careful how they judge what other people do. I do feel truly blessed by everything in my life, especially the opportunity to be a mother!