Today was my day off and I just wanted to spend some time with the boys, we surprised them by going to the zoo. There were only about 12 people there so we had the place to ourselves. It felt like we were the only ones on the planet. We walked around the park, taking our time and not worrying about anything. I think it was one of the few times in my life that I actually truly relaxed and didn’t worry about getting somewhere or hurrying on to the next thing. I didn’t have to worry about going to work, Mykel doesn’t have a job and we had no other plans but to be with our children.
Together at the zoo - September 2002
My favorite exhibit was the butterflies and beetles. I love looking at the display of insects and how amazing each creature is. The cockroaches were scary and I wouldn’t want one to land on me, but the butterflies were a different story. I compared them to each individual person. We all have our own markings and spots, but most people can’t see them or don’t want to try. We are all beautiful, but all different, and I think we each need to get to know what people are about before we make judgements. I could sit and look at the butterflies all day.
September 25, 2002
Another day off from work and school; Mykel, Preston and I hung out all day and just spent time together. No rushing to go anywhere, who cares about cleaning, we are together as a family! I think I like this, Mykel not having a job. I just have to remember to not stress about everything.
October 15, 2002
I love being at home at night and tucking the kids in. Spending time with them at the end of the day is my favorite part. I could just hold and hug Preston all night. He has the most amazing smile that can just make me smile from the inside out. He truly has a way of making people around him happy. Cole would just try to talk to me all night and hold me. They wanted me to do the “chicken dance” for them before I turned off the light. I did the dance for them and they wanted me to do it faster! I laughed so hard and they did too. Bryan had to get up and do the dance for me and we all laughed. I think this is what life is truly about, me making a fool out of myself and my kids laughing and loving every minute of it. Being a mom is the best!
October 16, 2002
I read my entry from yesterday and I had a wave of emotion come over me with regards to my children’s birthmother. It has been very painful for me to know that I can’t have biological children, but my children I have, truly are MY children and I can’t imagine having any others. I am so grateful that Ruth was willing to place her children with me so I could be a mother. Each day that I spend with them I love them even more. They are such a joy and I think this age has to be the most fun ever! Bryan is 7, Cole 5 and Preston 4, and what a combination they make together! They just play off each other and make one another laugh. They of course fight as well, but they usually end up hugging and saying they are sorry. Cole has the most tender heart, but he can put out his own as well. I truly love being with them. Thank you a million times over Ruth; you have given me the best gift of all, life.
Ruth and I had kept in contact during these few months and I knew she was expecting a little girl in February. She wasn’t real vocal about how things were going between she and her husband, and it wasn’t my place to ask. We just talked about general topics and about how the children were doing.
During the first week of January 2003, Ruth called and asked me to come down for lunch. I picked her up and we went to the “Red Iguana” – by the end of lunch, she asked me if I would be interested in adopting her baby if things didn’t work out with her husband.