My Family

If you are new to this blog and want to read the entire story chronologically - please start in January with "Our Story, Part 1"

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Our Story, Part 22 - Highs and Lows

The reason I am sharing parts of my journal during this period of my life is because it sets the stage for what happens next with relation to the birth of my daughter Ava. So many times in my life I have wondered why things have happened a certain way. I am sure many of us, when faced with trials in our life wonder “why me?” or “why now?” It usually isn’t until years later that you realize why your life has taken a certain turn, or why you were faced with certain hardships. To me, it only confirms my belief that God is in control. We just have to be patient and learn as we go along.

February 8, 2001
I went and had the second blood test today and it came back positive and the HCG hormone has almost tripled! That is good news! I went to the gym today and worked out. My doctor says I can continue exercising throughout my pregnancy. Yeah!

Mykel is so excited! He told his dad that we are pregnant but we are going to wait until next week to tell his mom. I can’t wait to tell her, my mom already knows and she is very excited. WOW! I’m pregnant!

February 15, 2001
A week has already gone by and I am still pregnant and I can’t really believe it. I ordered some baby clothes and I got them yesterday, they are so adorable! The boys have been so excited about the baby. Cole keeps asking me if the baby is asleep in my tummy. He says he wants a little girl. The other day my friend came over and Bryan just blurted out “there is a baby in my mom’s tummy!” – We hadn’t even told him yet! I think Preston senses something too because he has just been hanging on me and wanting me to hold him. The other night he was sick so I let him sleep on the couch outside our room. He kept crying so I would go and hold him until he went to sleep. I only slept for about 3 hours but I enjoyed every minute watching him sleep in my arms. I love him!

Today Bryan looked up at my boobs and said “they are almost to your stomach!” Well that took the wind out of me and I had to laugh! He also told me that “Ruth had 3 babies in her belly, Bryan, Cole and Preston.”

February 17, 2001
Today we met with Mykel’s family in Salt Lake and walked all over downtown. The boys were just miserable after walking all day since we had been up since 5 a.m. I am so grateful for the wonderful boys I have, they have been so great today and so much fun to be with. I love when they let me hold them and give me hugs.
It is so amazing to think that I have a little soul starting to grow in my stomach, it just doesn’t seem real! (I also gave my mother-in-law a little baby onesie wrapped up to share with her the good news that I was expecting!)

February 20, 2001
Right now my stomach is in a lot of pain. I was helping my brother Colby bring an organ in from the garage and I think I lifted too much. I guess I need to start being careful!

February 22, 2001
Yesterday was probably one of the worst days of my life. I woke up at 5 a.m. like I normally do to work and I went to the bathroom and saw blood. I looked in the toilet and saw a lot more blood. I called out for Mykel and he came in the bathroom and then I just started crying. Mykel held me while I just sobbed. My whole body was just numb. We waited until 8 a.m. when my doctor’s office opened and I took the boys to my friend Dana’s house then went to the clinic. They did an ultrasound and couldn’t find the gestation sac, which is a bad sign. My nurse also did a pelvic exam and she saw a lot of blood as well. We still had some hope, so I had to take a blood test to see what my HCG level was. It should’ve been around 10,000 but it was already down to 380.

Mykel and I left and went to breakfast at Einstein Bagels. I tried to drink some orange juice and eat something but I was still in a lot of pain and cramping really bad. Mykel tried to comfort me and he said “I am glad we aren’t having any biological children. I love my boys and I don’t want to feel any different about them.” I understood what he was saying, but it was still hard to hear. I was so devastated.

We went and picked up the boys and went home. I took a hot bath and mostly stayed in bed. Cole came to lay by me and rubbed my arm and my forehead and told me it would be alright. I kept blaming myself for doing too much, but my doctor told me there wasn’t anything I could’ve done to prevent it from happening.

I made myself go to gym class today. I was angry at my body and so I just physically pushed myself to the limit. It took all I had not to cry. After gym class I didn’t feel like going home so I just drove to Mykel’s work and cried on his shoulder for awhile. I just couldn’t stop crying. I told Cole and Preston that my tummy wasn’t working and Cole started crying, he said “where is my little girl?” Then he sang “You Are So Beautiful to Me” and it helped cheer me up to hear his little voice.

I just can’t believe how hard it has been. I felt like it was such a miracle to get pregnant and that everything would be okay. I guess my Heavenly Father has other plans for me. I just hope I can be patient.
~ Remember that you are entitled to our Father’s blessings in this work. He did not call you to your privileged post to walk alone, without guidance, trusting to luck. On the contrary, He knows your skill, He realizes your devotion, and He will convert your supposed inadequacies to recognized strengths. He has promised: “I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up.” Thomas S. Monson ~

Two years later in February 2003 ~ Ruth gave birth to a beautiful little girl, who would later become my daughter Ava.

She was definitely worth the wait.


  1. Oh, Camille, this is heart breaking. Bless your hearts. That had to be such a difficult time. Again, thanks for sharing. I read your blog every day. I love learning more of your story.
    It must be very emotional to go through it all here again and yet to have the hindsight that you have now, is also comforting I am sure.

  2. Seriously, Camille...I read these almost as soon as you post them and they have been so inspiring to me!! This one broke my heart, but also made me so grateful for what I have....and I love the quote at the bottom so much that I will be using it my RS lesson on Sunday. I think you and Mykel are amazing parents and those beautiful children you have always have been and always will be yours. Take care....

  3. Oh Camille, I am seriously crying reading your blog today. I know how heartbreaking a miscarriage is. I had two before we finally had my daughter. I ache everytime I hear about someone having one, especially a friend. I am so sorry you went through that. You are right about Heavenly Father having a plan. He just had another way to get YOUR children to you. I love reading your blog and I look forward to hearing more about your story. Thanks for sharing.

  4. I'm not even sure how I found your blog but I LOVE it. I can feel the pain you wrote about even though I've never been pregnant, the grieving is still there! I love the quote by President Monson! Heavenly Father knows us, loves us, and even though we may not understand it at the time..he has a unique plan for each of us! Thank you for sharing. You have a beauitful family!

  5. Camille, as I have read this post and the few previous posts, I was thinking we were hanging out at this time in our lives. I loved it when my children were little and we hung out and lived close. I also remember you having the miscarriage...but I don't remember what kind of friend I was...sorry if I wasn't a good friend.

  6. Thank you everyone for being so kind about my blog! Each morning when I write a new post I am flooded by so many memories and what happened during those times in my life... Thanks for your support!

    And Dana, you were an excellent friend back then and now! Thanks for being there for me that day! :)