My Family

If you are new to this blog and want to read the entire story chronologically - please start in January with "Our Story, Part 1"

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Adoption Questions

At Church on Mother’s Day my 16-year-old son leaned over to me and said, “I wonder if I love you the same as I would my REAL mother?”  He really wants to know what it feels like to love his actual mother.
It wasn’t mean, it didn’t hurt my feelings.  I have been wondering the same thing in reverse.
Do I love my children the same as I would if they were biological? 
I can’t answer that because I don’t have any “biological” children.  I love my children. 
Is it the same type of love that mothers have who actually give birth?  I don’t know.  I probably will never know.  It is a question that I can’t answer - but a valid (and hard) question nonetheless.

My son made this for me on Mother's Day. Love him!

Friday, May 10, 2013

Rose Colored Glasses

Last night I attended the final choir concert of my oldest son Bryan.  He has an amazing Tenor voice (that I didn’t even know about until last fall).  As I watched him sing I started to cry.  I cried because I love him so much.  I cried because I wished I would have known him as an infant.  I cried because I wished I would have known how it felt to have him kick and squirm in my womb, to see him take his first step, to say his first word, to hold my fingers as he nursed… so many things I missed with him. I cried because I wished I could say he got his voice from me or my husband.  I wished I could say he was handsome like his father.  (I do say this to him sometimes, but he knows he doesn’t REALLY look like his dad).  I cried because I missed the first three and a half years of his life and I cried because he will be leaving soon.

When I was first introduced to the possibility of adoption almost 15 years ago, I had longed to be a mother so bad that I was willing to do anything (well, almost anything) to get a child.  I wore my rose colored glasses and persevered through every issue with a smile and determination.  I didn’t think about what would happen in the future, how I would deal with adoption issues or even what issues might arise.  The only fear I had at the time was that when my children turned 18 they would want to go back to their birth mother (so glad our adoption is open!). 

There are many things I wished I would have known, could have prepared for, or could have been warned about.   

But the real question is; if I had known these things, if I had known I would hurt and feel a loss for the things I didn’t have, would I have still adopted?  
Definitely YES!

Even if I take my rose colored glasses off,
the view is still remarkable.

“If you are lonely, please know you can find comfort.

If you are discouraged, please know you can find hope.

If you are poor in spirit, please know you can be strengthened.

If you feel you are broken, please know you can be mended.”

Jeffrey R. Holland

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

To all the mothers who have adopted

This weekend has been hard for me. Hard to see all the cute little pregnant mommies, hard to hear about their weekly check-ups, hard to hear about their stories in the hospital, hard to relate to anyone. I can't relate to them, I don't fit in that category.

If you are an adoptive parent, not a biological parent, I would like to talk to you! I have no one to relate to, no one who knows what I am feeling.  The only other people who can know what I am feeling are parents (mothers) who have not had the opportunity to experience being pregnant and giving birth or mothers (like me), who have been pregnant and lost a baby.  Time for a support group! :)

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