Our Story, Part 10 - "There is nothing as constant as change"

When Bryan and Cole came to live with us in December, Cole’s given name was “Michael Joshua” and his nickname was “Mikey” – we called him “Mikey” for the first two months or so, I liked the name “Michael” but not necessarily his nickname and besides, my husband’s name is “Mykel” and I didn’t want him to have to share a name (I had always looked forward to having kids, choosing a name, painting the nursery…etc. so changing his name was one thing I actually COULD do, so I did)!

Cole and Preston

I already had several boy names picked out and written in my journal from when I was 11-years-old. One of my favorites was “Cole” and since it kind of fit with his old name “My-Cole” (and because of his dark brown eyes) it worked. One day we just started calling him Cole and he didn’t even skip a beat, he just went with it. It is funny now because every once in a while the boys will ask “what was my FIRST name?”

During this time there was so much going on behind the scenes so to speak. We had moved twice in the last six months. The first move was right after Cole and Bryan were placed with us because we needed some more space. After Bryan went back, I really couldn’t stand to be in THAT house anymore, and even though we only lived there for about six weeks, we moved again, so we were in a different house when the baby was born. Ruth had originally named the baby “Austin MacKenzie” but from the moment he came to me, he was Preston Luke (he was named after a childhood friend of mine who had always been so nice to me).

Camille (Me) holding Preston

After everyone left, I walked back in the house to look at Preston sleeping in his car seat. He was so content and slept so soundly I didn’t want to even wake him, (even though I was dying to pick him up and hold him!), instead I just brushed the back of my fingers against his warm cheek and felt him breathing. Then, I got my video camera out to capture the moment on film to make sure this wasn’t a dream.

(Preston loves watching that video).

When I spoke to Mykel earlier to let him know Preston was on his way, he said he wanted to be the first one to change him, so I let him. Mykel got home from work a few hours after Preston arrived and he was still dirty from work but he didn’t care, he just wanted to see his new son. I love the memory of Mykel changing Preston’s clothes that first time. Mykel wrapped Preston up like a mummy and fed him, and from then on, that was how Preston preferred to sleep and be fed.

At this point in the adoption, Ruth had relinquished her parental rights for Cole, but not for Preston, so again I was just in “baby-sitter” mode. I never knew from day to day if she would change her mind. She and I spoke almost daily and finally on Mother’s Day (Preston had only been with me for a few weeks at that point) she said she wasn’t sure if she wanted to place him. I told her that if she wanted him back then she needed to let me know right now. She said she wanted him back. I wasn’t mad that she wanted him back because I knew her heart was breaking as well. I just had to have a decision one way or the other, it was too hard not knowing.

I packed up all of his clothes, his food, and his toys; I took down his crib and packed up every thing in my house that had even a slight memory of Preston, and he went back. I took Cole over to my mom’s house and told her that Mykel and I were going for a drive and needed some time to be alone. We drove for hours and hours and eventually ended up in another state, I couldn’t go back home yet knowing that Preston wasn't there.