My Family

If you are new to this blog and want to read the entire story chronologically - please start in January with "Our Story, Part 1"

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Hard questions

The other night my 4-year-old daughter was getting on her teenage brother’s nerves. My son made the comment… “can’t we just give her away and let someone else adopt her?” He was completely serious as if it was a viable and available option.

It reminded me of a discussion that he and I had a few years earlier when he asked me if someone else could adopt him. He was worried that if I didn’t want him that I could just give him to someone else. His comment and question really made me think of the numerous questions my children have with regards to placement, adoption, biological parents and their own situation.

I tried my best to explain to my son that, no; I wasn’t going to allow anyone else to adopt him and that he was my son forever. This was a hard question to answer because of course he wondered how he could be placed in our family and adopted and that it couldn’t happen again. He knew his older brother was placed and then taken back and then placed again… such a confusing time!

I think about all these questions and I realize that when my children were young and I was dealing with the day to day struggles of parenting, placement, home studies, etc., I had no idea how/if/when I would have to deal with these inquiries.

I am grateful that we have been very open with our children with regards to their birth parents, their placement in our home and their own individual stories, it has made these discussions easier, but there are still questions that are hard to answer. It is almost weekly that we have talks about their birth mother, their birth father(s) and even their biological uncles, aunts and grandparents. I don’t have all the answers, but quite honestly, what parent does?

I don’t know any other families who are in an open adoption, much less any who have teenagers right now, so here are a few things that have helped me over the last decade:

(If any one has any suggestions/ideas that have worked for them, please feel free to share!)

Validate the question(s), it is okay to have questions.

Reaffirm your love for them as an individual and as your child - Sometimes my children were hesitant to ask me questions about their birth mother because they didn’t want to “hurt my feelings” if they were talking about their “other mom.” I will admit that when my boys were first placed with us, I did feel jealous of their mother, I felt I was being compared on every level with her. I don’t feel that way now; I feel that she and I both have significant and independent roles to play in their lives.

Be honest – I try to answer their questions to the best of my ability, but sometimes I don’t have an answer to their question(s). If they ask a question and want an answer right away, I do my best, but sometimes after I have time to think about their question and my answer, I may go back and tell them that I didn’t answer their question properly. I have told my older boys, “I don’t have a parental instruction manual, I am learning just like they are and I am not always right!”

Love them unconditionally.

So blessed to be a mom!


  1. I do! I know two other ladies in open adoptions right now, but they JUST joined the club. :)

    Noah is just a couple months old:
    And Clara was born at the beginning of the summer:

  2. Just passing through on the "Next Blog" button, and was struck by a couple of posts. This one raises a thought that has tickled the back of my mind for my whole life, that I probably should have been adopted. "Adopted" doesn't mean "underprivileged;" sometimes it can take a child out of an intolerable situation.

    And concerning No One Is Immune, it never stops amazing me how many brain-dead cretins are running around loose, completely oblivious to the hurt they cause with the thoughtless things that tumble from their flapping lips. Remember and apply the words of the Savior as he waited for his agonizing death on the cross: "Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do."

    It's hard, but you can't afford to let yourself stew over every idiot you rub up against; there are just too many of them!

    I enjoyed this little glimpse into your experiences. Wishing a wonderful life to a wonderful person...

  3. You have such a beautiful family!

  4. Hey Camille, I came across your blog few weeks ago and I love it so much. I did read it from the start as you suggested. You're so wonderful and amazing and your children are all beautiful. :)
    Now I'm really looking forward to read your new post and see nice some nice photos soon.

  5. I just finished reading through your entire blog. I am amazed by your story! I LOVE the uniqueness of it (if that is even a word). I have always felt led to adopt, but sadly my husband is not on board with that. I have three beautiful children biologically, one of whom died before she was born at 37 weeks. I think his mind has been somewhat opened up to the idea (not enough to adopt himself) since his brother adopted a child two years ago. I look forward to returning to your blog and hope you continue to post in the future!