A few months ago during a neighborhood social event, I was listening to the chatter of several women who are pregnant. At one point I was sitting next to a woman who had just revealed that she was expecting her third (unplanned) child. She looked across the table and said to me, (paraphrasing) “I wish I could adopt, it would be SO much easier than being pregnant! Besides, you get to keep your figure and look like THAT!”
Me at the end of a hike, contemplating life....
I was so upset that I just sat silently trying not to say anything (counting loudly to 10 in my mind, repeating the mantra my mother had told me “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all!”) On my walk home that night and while running on the treadmill the next morning (trying to maintain THAT figure) I thought of all the snappy comments I could’ve said. I really wanted to write her a letter and let her have it!
These are a few things I wanted to say (but luckily didn’t):
“I would trade my body for any woman’s (fertile body!) just to have the chance to be able to create a child with my husband and feel my child growing inside of me. "
“Enjoy every little pain that you are having, you are experiencing a miracle!”
“I have this figure because I go to the gym five times a week! Not because I have never had children! You should see my sisters’ who have eight children and maintain amazing figures!”
My cute little Aubrey after her haircut!
I am glad I have had a few months to stew about this because recent events helped soften my once angry outlook.I realized that every one of us have and will endure different trials; no one is immune to having their feelings hurt, no one is immune to pain.
"Our Heavenly Father, who loves us completely and perfectly, permits us to have
experiences that will allow us to develop the traits and attributes we need to
become more and more Christlike. . . . As we understand this doctrine, we gaingreater assurance of our Father's love."Sometimes trials make us realize just how lucky we really are.
I don't think it would be outside the realm of appropriate to mention at some point how heartbreaking it is for people to adopt to not be able to bear children to this woman. It is people like that who need people like you to bring them back down to earth so they don't keep on saying things like that.
ReplyDeleteI was just at the courthouse yesterday, actually and I got to photograph and adoption. I bawled my eyes out through the whole thing. It was sort of a unique situation, not really traditional, the "new mother" adopted the child's mother when she was small... and when that child became a teenager, she started acting out, eventually became pregnant, and eventually was no longer able to parent her child. This wasn't part of my friend's plan for her life, but she loves this baby more than anything now, and is so grateful to have him. He is 2.5 years old and he is all hers now. She has survived a divorce, breast cancer, a masectomy, basically losing her child to the immaturity and the world, but she got this sweet baby boy instead. She's a little older, but she's happy. And I think the baby will be too. The pictures aren't on my blog yet, but I did post a few on my facebook fan page if you care to dig them up. Reminds me, I was going to try and do a post about the adoption for tomorrow, but i"m so tired I'm not sure I will now. Sort of a emotionally draining subject. :) In a good way.
I found your blog by accident...and it is wonderful. Thank you for sharing your thougts. I'm an adopted person, which I thank my Heavenly Father for each day!
ReplyDeletewow, your kids are getting so big. I am sorry for the insensitive comments... and totally agree that we all get to bear a burden in this life. Some people just haven't had theirs handed to them yet.
ReplyDeleteYou are an inspiration, and your positive outlook is amazing.