My Family

If you are new to this blog and want to read the entire story chronologically - please start in January with "Our Story, Part 1"

Monday, May 3, 2010

What a difference a day makes!

First of all, WELCOME BACK! Thanks for joining me; I sure hope I didn’t miss sending an invite to anyone!!!

Usually when I have a bad day or am talking to someone who is having a bad say, I say “tomorrow is another day” or “what a difference a day makes” – my own advice has definitely rang true the past few days!

Like I mentioned previously, last week was one of those weeks, I was getting hammered by negativity with regards to my blog; I was reading an array of pessimistic posts and books that made adoptive parents out to be the slated as some of the worst people on the planet and then it happened…

I knew the day would come, I wasn’t ready for it. I thought I was but I wasn’t.

…the day one of my children would ask Ruth “why” – why she had “given them up” and if she still loved them?”

My son Cole wrote a letter to Ruth last week…My first concern was that his words would be hurtful to Ruth… and then I just prayed she would write him back so he wouldn’t be hurt. Today he received two letters in the mail, both from Ruth. I gave them to him as soon as he got home from school. He ran to his room and shut the door for some privacy. I gave him about 20 minutes and then I decided to knock on his door to make sure he was okay.

He opened the door and I could tell that he was smiling. I smiled back and gave him a hug. He held onto me and cried on my shoulder for a minute and then continued to hug me. He said with a grin, “she answered all of my questions.”

I asked him if sometime in the future I would be allowed to read what she wrote, he said “you can read them right now.” He then said “I think I hurt her.”

I read Ruth’s beautiful words describing to Cole why he was with us and that she still loved him but she didn’t know if he wanted to hear that from her. I am not going to quote what she wrote because it was a personal message to Cole, but suffice it to say that she wrote exactly what he needed to hear. After I read the letters I reassured him that I didn’t think Ruth was hurt.

I am so grateful she took the time to write him back, that she answered his questions, and that she was not offended by his words. Thank you Ruth, you have blessed my life in so many ways!

(Ruth has not asked to be invited to view my blog, I think it is too painful for her right now…)


  1. So glad to hear THE moment came, and went smoothly. You truly are an inspiration to not only those dealing with adoption, but to anyone who is looking for ideas to improve and nurture relationships with their children

  2. I'm so glad it went well!! it must be because you raised such awesome kids!! How amazing that Ruth is so willing to let the kids dictate that relationship with her, i think that is wonderful! she is there with open arms when they want that, and has the ability to back off when needed! You have been blessed!

  3. Thank you Fraser's and Mrs. Alston -

    I do feel so blessed that Ruth is open to having a relationship with her children. I was amazed at the ability she had to express her words so clearly - I am sure there are other feelings that she couldn't write and she may be able to share those with the children as they get older and are hopefully able to understand all the circumstances surrounding their placement with our family a little better, but for now she was able to answer Cole's questions and let him know he is loved (by many!)

    Ruth is also going to moving closer so it will give us the opportunity to have the children meet with her more.

    Thanks for commenting! :)

  4. I am so glad that she wrote him back and that he was willing to share it with you. What amazing kids you have!