Our Story, Part 43 - Not Knowing

After Aubrey’s birth I was in the “not knowing” stage again. Ruth had mentioned several times that she was thinking about placing Aubrey with our family so I never knew from one day to the next if I would get a phone call asking me to come and pick her up, it was so hard to plan for anything!

Over the ensuing months I would occasionally talk to Ruth via e-mail but sometimes I had no idea what to say or the gall to tell Ruth how I really felt. I was not trying to take her daughter away from her, but knowing that I may eventually get to be Aubrey’s mother and raise her, I wanted to spend as much time as possible with her! My husband’s insurance at the time would cover adoption expenses if a child was placed within 90 days of birth, so I gave Ruth that information in hopes that she and her husband would make a decision one way or the other.

I want to make it clear that if at any time Ruth had said she was not interested in placing Aubrey or had decided to raise her on her own, I would not have kept the topic open for discussion. I had such high hopes that Ruth would be able to raise Aubrey, I knew this was her last chance at being a mother and I knew she regretted having her tubes tied (she told me she regretted it as soon as she had done it).

It was so difficult for me to try and go on with my life as normal, knowing that at any time I may get a call to go and pick up another child. One week I would get an e-mail from Ruth stating that she was unhappy and wanted a divorce and if she got a divorce then she would place the baby with our family. The next week I would get another e-mail saying that she and her husband needed a place to live. It was so hard to try and remain neutral and supportive!

In April 2007, when Aubrey was six months old, I got an e-mail from Ruth stating how unhappy she was in the marriage and that she really needed to leave the situation. I lived several hours away and there was nothing immediate that I could do. By the end of May 2007 Ruth really needed to move from where she was at. I offered to go help her and her husband find an apartment. Mykel and I were taking the kids out to Lagoon (a family amusement part) for the weekend and I told Ruth I would be in town for a few days if she needed any help. I had come to terms with the fact that Aubrey may never be placed with our family and I could live with that, it was having my emotions toyed with that was making me crazy!

On May 29 I got an e-mail from Ruth asking if I could help them find an apartment. I had been looking online and making calls to help them find a place to live but nothing was panning out. Finally I decided to just go out and help them physically look for a place. I drove the three and a half hours to their house and picked them all up, Ruth, her husband and Aubrey (yes, it was a little awkward). We had a few appointments to look at some apartments and made calls as we drove around (the silence was almost deafening in the car...and the small talk was almost nil). There were several places that would work but when they filled out the rental application they were denied because Ruth’s husband had a felony on his record (so depressing because Ruth could qualify on her own but not together). After driving around all day (we did stop for lunch) I finally took them back home because Ruth had to go to work. I stayed and talked with her husband for a long time about their situation (I also got to hold Aubrey).

After a very LONG, emotionally exhausting day I drove another three and a half hours home by myself, (this was my second trip to the city in less than a week). I had no idea by the end of that same week I would be asked to come back, but this time I didn’t leave by myself… my life was about to change in a big way, again!

Open Adoption Blogger Interview Project

About a month ago I found a blog named “Production Not Reproduction” that has various links relating to adoption. I signed up as an “Open Adoption Blogger.” Heather at PRODUCTION NOT REPRODUCTION hosted an interview project (question/answer session) between bloggers that have experience with adoption or are waiting to adopt.

My partner was Tracey who recently adopted a beautiful baby boy. I have enjoyed reading her posts and her perspective about adoption, she is very positive and has some great insight for those who are thinking about adopting or who have recently adopted... and some great ideas for women and moms in general! A few of my favorites are her Prayer List, and Wordless Wednesdays. Check out her blog, I think you will enjoy it!

QUESTION: What process did you go through to adopt? i.e. adoption agency, private, social worker, friend?
After much searching on the internet, we found a local, small agency that is Christian based. They only have 5 women working there and do about 20 adoptions a year. In the 10 years they have been in business they only had 2 birthmom's change their minds at the last minute. We hit it off with our case worker right away and really liked the home style atmosphere.

QUESTION: How long did you have to wait for a child?
My husband and I were married in July of 2003 and had been trying to have a child ever since. We tried artificial insemination twice. (I had also tried to get pregnant with my first husband using AI and drugs and nothing ever happened. We got married when I was 24 and we were married for 6 years. So, I feel I have been trying for a very long time.) We found out agency in January of 2008, finished all the paperwork and were put in the active pool at the end of June and 6 weeks later we got the call that we had been chosen by a birthmom. No, this is not the norm...we were told we could wait around 18 months, so that is the number I had in my head. We met "K," the birthmom of our son in August, the next week we went to the first ultrasound, and found out we were having a boy. Samuel was born on December 8, 2008. We brought him home 2 days later and everything was finalized with the courts on May 6, 2009.

QUESTION: Did your child’s birth mother choose you and your husband for the baby?
Yes. The agency we worked with has all the couples they work with put together a book about themselves with pictures. We also write autobiographies about ourselves. When the birthmom's come in they are asked what kind of adoptive parents they are looking for and based on what they say, a number of books are shown to them and then the birthmother decides who to meet from those books.

QUESTION: What has been the hardest part of adoption?
The wait and the not knowing were hard at the time, but overall we had a very easy process. Taking Samuel home and knowing that "K" had 48 hours to change her mind was full of anxiety. Having to jump through numerous hoops to "prove" we are good people, when others who can't even put food on the table pop out babies one after the other really bothers me. I wish EVERYONE that wanted to have children had to go though the paperwork, background checks and home visits that we did. We'd have children growing up in much more stable environments and the abuse and neglect would be greatly curbed too. Stupid questions are also annoying.

QUESTION: What has been the best part of adoption?
There are a number of things that I love about adoption. It brings people together that would otherwise never know each other. I am closer to my family now (both sides) then I have ever been. It has made me a better person. I am more patient, honest and faithful then I ever thought possible. Seeing God's hand in all of this (Sam looks just like my husband, has the same birthmark on the back of his neck that I do...etc...) and knowing that this is part of the grand plan. Understanding now that DNA really makes no difference at all. Sam is 100% my son and a child of God and God doesn't make mistakes. I now have proof of that! Richard feels more connected to his birthfamily (even though he has never met them), because of this process. And the #1 best thing about adoption....IT GAVE ME MY BEAUTIFUL BOY!


QUESTION: How comfortable are you with open adoption? Would you like to have more/less interaction with your child’s birth parents/family?
To be totally honest, at the beginning, I HATED the idea, but we were told things would go faster if we would at least be open to it. I had very selfish ideas before this process. I remember thinking..."This is MY baby and no one else is going to tell me how to raise it. It will just confuse the child too much." After training classes, talking to other people and finally just meeting "K" and her family, ALL of my fears and anxiety over it DISAPPEARED. I knew as soon as I met "K" and the family that this was meant to be. God wanted things this way and He took the fear away.

We agreed to 3 meetings with "K" after Sam was born and then pictures and letters 4 times a year until he is 2 years old and then twice a year until he is 18. She also has my cell number, but rarely calls. Last Thanksgiving we offered for her to see him again and the meeting went great. As long as her life and family are stable we want to continue with this every year around his birthday. I do wish we had more contact, but from what I understand it is just too painful right now for her and her family. I am hoping that this will change in the future. We have left things in her hands and told her that she can call any time she wants.

QUESTION: What is your favorite part about being a mom?
The longer I'm a mommy the better it gets. At first, it was just holding that little bundle and knowing that God made me responsible for this precious gift. As the months went by, it was seeing him grow and change and becoming more aware, hearing his cries and knowing I could calm his fears. Now, it's feeling those little hands around me and seeing that smile and knowing it's for me, seeing him get excited over a new success and looking to me for encouragement. I love seeing life through his eyes. Everything is brand new and exciting.

QUESTION: What advice would you give prospective adoptive parents?
* Be patient.....and stay busy, it helps to pass the waiting time.
* Don't get the babies room ready too early; it makes you think about it too much.
* Be totally honest with yourselves about what kind of child you are willing to love and parent. It isn't fair to them or you to agree to something that is out of your capabilities.
* Be prepared for stupid or ignorant questions.
* Don't be too open at first and then regret it later...you can't unring a bell, but you can always offer more later when things have calmed down.
* If you are given the chance, be in the delivery room. I did and it was the most amazing experience of my life. And when Sam asks about the day he was born, I can tell him every single detail.

QUESTION: How do you plan to tell your son about his birth family?
My husband was adopted (closed) also and we want to tell our son, just like his mom told him. Around the age of 5 or 6 he remembers her sitting down with him and telling him that he didn't come from mommy's belly, but from a different lady that loved him a lot, but wanted him to have a better life and so she gave him to them to raise and love. She said it also means you have the same rights, privileges and responsibilities as any other member of this family.

Because of the way his family didn't focus on the adoption, my husband has no negative feelings about it. He honestly feels like an equal and total part of his family. In fact, when we had to write our autobiographies for the agency, he wrote 4 pages about his life and as I was editing it I realized that he failed to mention it at all. He rarely thinks about it, even.

Since our son's adoption is open, I am hoping that with yearly contact with "K" he will know about this a lot sooner and he can ask her, himself, any questions he may have. He'll also be able to meet his birth grandparents on "K's" side too.

Along with my husband, and a cousin being adopted, "K" herself was adopted, so he will have plenty to people to relate to.

QUESTION: What was something you didn’t expect with adoption?
How my feelings would change about everything: from "openness," and actually wanting someone else to be involved, to not even caring and not thinking about that Sam did not come from my body. It used to make me physically pained that I couldn't conceive and bare a child, now I don't even think about it. I also didn't expect it to touch so many lives, bring past friends back into my life and to bring my family closer together.

QUESTION: Would you recommend adoption to others?
DEFINITELY! 100%!!! It was am amazing experience, from start to finish! Even with all the headaches, I would go through it again in a heartbeat

I hope you enjoyed my interview with Tracey and her positive attitude about life and adoption! Thanks to Heather at Production Not Reproduction for allowing me to be a part of this Interview Project!

Our Story, Part 42 - Aubrey is born!

In October 2006 my younger brother Kelly planned a family get together for Halloween. He and his wife Sandi love Halloween so we all bought tickets to take a “Haunted train ride” up the canyon. Mykel and I took the kids out the day before (it was a 3 hour trip) and we stayed the weekend with some of our friends. While I was there I got the call that Ruth was going to the hospital to have her baby.

I guess I was wrong when I said I didn’t have pictures of me with any of my children at the hospital. The day after Aubrey was born I visited Ruth at the hospital. We weren’t talking about placing the baby at that point (she had alluded to the possibility of placing her, but it wasn’t brought up during our visit). Ruth was married and we were all hoping that things would work out for her and that she would be able to raise her last daughter (she got her tubes tied with the last pregnancy).

When I pulled up to the hospital and found a parking spot my heart was beating out of my chest, I just never knew what to expect or what would happen. My good friend Andrea came with me to the hospital and I decided to take Ava as well (Mykel stayed home with the boys to tend, it was too hard for him to go). We stopped at the hospital gift shop and brought a few presents to give to Ruth and the new baby. Ava wanted Oreo’s and she made a huge mess in Ruth’s room with her cookies! I took my camera so I could get some pictures of Ava with her little sister. I had no idea if they would be able to have a relationship in the future and I wanted to have the pictures to show to Mykel and the boys.

Ava with Aubrey the day after she was born.

I was nervous to hold the baby (but I get nervous holding ANY baby, it is not an easy thing for me to do). Luckily my friend Andrea isn’t shy; she held the baby first and helped Ava hold her. She was so tiny and adorable, I took pictures of her tiny toes... it was unbelievable how she was such a perfect mix of Ruth and her husband! My feelings were mixed, I had been in this position several times before and it was always so painful.

I had so many questions going through my head…could this be my child at some point in the future? How much emotion do I show? Do I act indifferent so I don’t put any pressure on Ruth? How do I show support when I am secretly longing to have this little girl be a part of our family and grow up with her siblings?

We only stayed for about 20 minutes and right before we left I was able to hold Aubrey for the first time.

It would be eight months until I would hold her again.

Our Story, Part 41 - The News

A few weeks after Ava’s adoption was finalized in August 2004, our little yellow house sold. We had been talking about moving “back home” where Mykel and I grew up to raise the kids, but we weren’t in a hurry.

In 2005 we moved back to where my husband grew up, a tiny little town that doesn’t even have a stop light (we love it there!). A few months before we moved Ruth’s brother, sister and mother were visiting from back East and they stopped by our house to meet Ava and the boys. I was amazed by the resemblance of my oldest son Bryan with Ruth’s brother (his biologic uncle), my son still has hopes he can inherit some of their height!

Ruth and I kept in touch via e-mail, but the visits were quite infrequent at this point, especially now that we moved several hours away. In early 2006 Ruth wrote me to let me know that she had met someone else and was thinking about getting married. I was really happy for her and in my heart I was truly hoping this would be the chance she had dreamt about of being married and raising a family.

In June 2006 I got an e-mail from Ruth telling me she was expecting another girl. I was so happy for her! But in the same e-mail she also said she was unhappy in her marriage.

In August 2006 I met with Ruth and her husband for lunch, I took Ava with me because Ruth hadn’t seen her for over a year. Ava was being so cute and just playing around. It was fun to see them interact together. Ruth took pictures of her in the car with my camera and I took a few pictures of Ruth and her husband. I talked to them about their baby and what they wanted to name her when she was born (she was due in October), how she was feeling, etc. I didn’t take the boys with me because I hadn’t told them that Ruth was expecting and we weren’t sure how to share the news with them yet.

Pictures of Ava that Ruth took on the way home from our lunch meeting.

In September 2006 I got another e-mail from Ruth stating that she was moving back to Missouri to be with her family and have the baby there (without her husband), but within a few days she came back to Utah because the living arrangements didn’t work out. They (Ruth and her husband) were looking for an apartment and I offered to help.

With all of this going on I knew that at some point there may be a chance of us raising another child. I didn’t want to assume anything, but in the back of mind I knew it was a possibility. I just had no idea how things were going to play out or what to plan for because I had no control over the situation…. I could never have imagined how the next few weeks and months would unfold.

"In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back." ~ Charlie Brown

Our Story, Part 40 - Favorite Memories

"Happiness is not so much in having as sharing. We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.” ~ Norman MacEwan

I almost forgot one of my favorite memories of Ava… As I have mentioned before, there are so many things that were meant to be with regards to my life and the adoption of my children. Two years before Ava was born we bought a little house in the inner city. We had been living in a condo with a tiny yard and we needed a place for the boys to play. I love looking at houses for sale and the internet made it that much easier to browse… I found a little yellow house with white shutters (I love older homes) and it had a HUGE fenced in back yard (exactly what I was looking for). It wasn’t in the ideal location, but the price was right and I was dying to have some room for my boys to play outside. I just KNEW this home was where we were meant to be at the time and I realized later it was because the people we met while we lived there would become lifelong friends. A few posts ago I mentioned my friends who went and took Ava to meet her birth father. Well, those friends were actually sisters, Rachel and Leslie that I met when I lived in my little yellow house.

Ava on the front steps of our little yellow house

One of the hardest things for me about adoption was the planning (or lack thereof). I love to plan things; I like to know what is going to happen far in advance. The one thing I had no control over was when we were going to “have” children. I had no idea that a little girl was in our future after the adoptions of our three boys. I had given all my baby stuff away by the time Ava was even born, and if you have been following this story you know that I had less than an hour to prepare for her arrival (I guess less than that because right after I got the phone call I went and picked her up!). Anyway, my friends knew that I didn’t have anything for a baby, let alone a baby girl.

At this time in our life we were hanging out with some other neighbors that we had met, the Laings. They were a young couple who didn’t have any children so they would come to our house several times a week, sometimes we would watch movies, play with the kids, go play tennis, whatever we could think of, they were a little extension of our family and we had a lot of good times (I miss those days!). One night we decided to go out for dinner with just the adults (which was very rare), so we got a baby-sitter and headed for “The Pantheon.” The whole dinner everyone was acting strange (except me of course)… they kept looking at their watches and checking the time. We finally made it home and everyone was trying to find an excuse for me to go over to our church, and bring Ava with me ~ I finally made it easy for them and just went!

I walked in to an entire room filled with my friends and neighbors patiently waiting for me to arrive for a surprise baby shower! Many of the ladies who attended were over 70 years old and had lived in our neighborhood for a long time (I feel so bad that we were late!). They made Ava several beautiful hand-knitted and crocheted baby quilts, gave me pink girl PJ’s and clothes, gift cards to buy a stroller, and one of my friends had even made a wall hanging with Ava’s name and birth date on it. I cannot express how wonderful it felt to be in a room filled with people who were there to support me and my family. It is one of my most cherished memories. Most of my friends have since moved from that neighborhood, but I know we were all meant to be there at that time to help each other and to meet each other. Thank you!

Before I end this post and move on with the story of my youngest daughter’s adoption, I just wanted to add a few quotes that have come from my children over the years with regards to adoption (and being adopted). I know my children’s birth mother was concerned that they may be having a hard time with being adopted (she and I had lunch yesterday and discussed this a little bit), so I thought I would share some of their thoughts in their own words:

“I love you as much as Jesus loves us.”

“I am glad Ruth did the right thing” – Preston said this when he was five.

“I am so glad that you are my mother and that you adopted me.”

“Heavenly Father must have taken 2000 years to make you such good parents.”

“Thank you for adopting me, I love you.”

“We have the best family ever!”

“If your tummy worked you wouldn’t have had us!”

“Mommy, is love full of surprises?”

“I can’t stop loving you.” –Preston and I were holding hands and walking together.

“I love you mom” – My personal favorite that I get to hear almost every day.

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” ~ Albert Einstein

"Something Special"

The events of this weekend have caused me to do some introspection and self-discovery. My sister-in-law gave birth to a healthy, baby boy early yesterday morning (I haven’t seen him yet, but I can only imagine how adorable he is). When I got the message that he was born I just started crying, not for joy, but because I was filled with overwhelming grief, anger and jealousy, but not happiness. I kept asking myself, why can’t I be happy for them, why do I feel so upset? I am such a horrible person for even feeling this way! I didn’t even want to do anything. I mean, this isn’t the first time someone in my extended family has had a baby (I have over 50 nieces and nephews), but this time I felt I had been kicked in the stomach. I was numb.

My husband knew something was wrong but when he asked I just told him “I am fine.” I left to take my kids to the library and to the store and on the way my youngest daughter fell asleep in the car. I didn’t want to wake her, so I just had my older son go in the store and I stayed in the car with her while she slept. During those few minutes of quiet I had time to reflect on why I was feeling such resentment. I sent a few texts to my husband to tell him how I felt. I told him I didn’t want to see the baby just yet; I wasn’t ready to hear about him. I didn’t want to hear how wonderful it felt to give birth, to hold their son, to hear him cry, to feed him, to have the grandparents there to witness everything, to ooh and awe over every little movement and sound. These were things I had dreamt about for so long, but would never happen for me. I realized what I was feeling was envy and I hated that I felt that way; I truly wanted to be happy for them. I didn’t want to take something away from their life just because I was sad; it wasn’t their fault that I couldn’t experience the miracle of birth. I couldn’t be mad at them, my anger was misdirected, I was angry with myself.

So I just sat in the car and cried and tried to analyze my feelings. I sent my husband a text to tell him why I was feeling so sad and he sent me back the most wonderful words of comfort. I let myself cry for another 20 minutes and then my son came back to the car. He had six dollars that he wanted to spend but when he got back in the car he had only bought four things, two things for his sister, one for his dad, and one for me. Nothing for himself.

The whole reason we had gone to the store was to get a prize for my youngest daughter Aubrey. She has been waking up at night and I promised her a treat if she would sleep all night long (my husband tried this before and it worked wonders). Aubrey kept telling me “I want something special” – so I sent my son Preston in to get “something special” for Aubrey. He didn’t get anything for himself, but he got me “something special.” It was then that I realized how truly selfish I was being. I was only thinking of myself, I was being a brat.

My son helped me realize something that day. He wasn’t thinking about what would make him happy, he was getting “something special” for everyone else, even me. I was so amazed and comforted by his unselfishness and generosity!

As I read other blogs about adoption there are many who criticize God’s role and intervention in our life. I have felt many times over that my children were meant to come to me this way. I don’t know why, but I know they are MINE and this was how I was meant to be a mother. There are so many tiny miracles that have happened along the way to make it possible for Ruth and I to even meet, let alone share the past 12+ years on this journey together as mothers. It is definitely God’s hand directing us along the way.

A few minutes ago my daughter Aubrey woke up and came and found me on the computer. She looked up at me and said “I want something special” (she had slept all night again without waking up). I picked her up and sat her in my lap and just held her for a few minutes (I love that she will cradle in my arms and snuggle with me). She brought me back to reality. In fact, she is still sitting on my lap...

Someone asked me the other day “what was the hardest part of adoption for me?” The hardest part was missing the first days, months and years of each of my children’s lives, not being there when they were born, not holding them as infants, all of those things most get to experience as new parents…. But after I wrote that I realized, I have the rest of my life with them. I get to hold them in the morning when they wake up and just want to be held. I get to talk to them about school and their friends. I get to be there and comfort them when they get hurt. I get to be a mom. I thank my Heavenly Father every day for allowing me the opportunity to be a mother; I know it was part of his plan for me. I know He is very aware of my thoughts and feelings, my hurt and sadness. Without pain you can never fully experience joy – which is what I am experiencing right now. Joy. God offers us blessings through adversity ~ and I have truly been blessed with “something special” in my life, my children.

Our Story, Part 39 - Post Placement Study and Finalization

Home Study: A home study is sometimes called an "adoption study," and is a written report containing the findings of the social worker who has met on several occasions with the prospective adoptive parents, has visited their home, and who has investigated the health, medical, criminal, family and home background of the adoptive parents. The purpose of the home study is to help the court determine whether the adoptive parents are qualified to adopt a child, based on the criteria that have been established by state law. Credit (Adoption.com)

Even though we had two previous home studies performed with the adoption of our three boys, I had never requested a copy of the final report. I decided to ask for one with Ava’s home study. Here is a small excerpt written by our social worker:

"Status of Placement:
The Henries reported to me that the birth father completed the relinquishment of his parental rights on May 21, 2004 before a Notary Public to accomplish this termination. A copy of his relinquishment is included in the adoptive file. The birth mother relinquished her rights on May 27, 2004. She had an attorney help her do this.

The Henries were relieved to know that both the birth father and mother have stepped forward to do this. The Henries have not put any pressure on the birth parents to make their decision. In fact, the Henries have been very open with both birth parents regarding Ava being placed in their home and have reported how she is developing.


Adjustment of Children in the Home:
By reports from both Mr. and Mrs. Henrie they have not experienced any problems with Ava being placed in their home. Actually, the placement has gone exceptionally well for both the parents and the children. The Henries further report that the three boys, Bryan, Cole and Preston 'simply adore' their little sister. They spend much of their waking hours playing with her and ensure she is taken care of the best way they know how. Of course this is under the guidance of the parents.

When I visited the family today they were having a picnic in their back yard with some neighbors. The children were all playing with each other and their friends. Ava was actively involved with others. She is now walking on her own and has been since the first part of June. I observed all of the children interacting with each other for a good part of an hour. During this time I saw how well they played together and how the boys would attend to their sister on many occasions. Ava even began to interact with me by bringing a toy or food item to share with me. I believe this indicates how comfortable she feels and the trust she has with someone else besides family members.



Recommendations:
Therefore, it is my recommendation that the placement of Ava continue as she now feels this is her home. The bonding between all family members with Ava is very strong. Mr. and Mrs. Henrie see Ava as though she is their own biological child. This adoption worker would further recommend that there is no better home for Ava than where she is currently placed."

This is just a small excerpt as the entire "Post-Placement Adoption Report" is over 30 pages long.

Ava’s adoption was finalized on August 17, 2004, when she was a year and a half old. We went in front of a female judge this time and the experience was quite different. We were the only ones in the courtroom besides the judge, the bailiff and our attorney. While our attorney addressed the judge I was trying desperately to keep the boys quiet. They wanted to keep bouncing up and down on fold-away seats. I don’t know why I stressed so much about keeping them quiet. I guess in the back of my head I was thinking “the judge is probably going to wonder about my parenting abilities to take care of this little girl if I can’t take care of my other children!”

The entire procedure probably took about 15-20 minutes. After we signed the paperwork stating that Ava “shall be regarded and treated in all respects as their natural and lawful child,” Cole wanted to run up and give the judge a hug and tell her “thank you" (I did too). The bailiff reacted quickly to a little boy running up to the front of the courtroom and tried to stop him, but then I explained what he wanted to do. The judge was very gracious about letting my other children hug her and tell her “thank you for allowing their little sister to be a part of our family.” The boys were so excited when we were finished and the paperwork was signed; they knew that Ava couldn’t be taken away from us now!

It is weird how things can change with the signing of the adoption decree. It was like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I had been so worried about my little Ava having to leave our family and now I knew that “legally” she was my little girl. I couldn't stop smiling and hugging and kissing her soft little cheeks!

When people ask me about my children and I try to tell them a little bit of the story, there is always one inevitable question? Why did their mother keep having children?

Ruth and Ava

That answer to that question is not my story to tell. Throughout the telling of “Our Story” on my blog, I have to leave out many details and background of the people involved. There are many other sequences of events that were going on behind the scenes that I am not at liberty to divulge. These “details” may give readers more insight as to why Ruth relinquished her children, but that is her narrative, not mine.

I cannot fault Ruth for wanting to have more children. I am so glad she did, I could never thank her enough for allowing me the opportunity to be a mother and to raise these wonderful children. I have nothing but love and respect for her and the hard choices she has had to make in her life. I love being a mother and I know that it has only been through Ruth that I have been given this chance. Thank you is not enough!